..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
