I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
