We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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