quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
