Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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