Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
