I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
