Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
