Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
