I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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