One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
