She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
