I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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