She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
