he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
