this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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