I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
