One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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