there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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