It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
