Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
