I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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