What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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