It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize