I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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