marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Damn victory sex feels great
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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