bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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