if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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