...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
