thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
