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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I smell stomach acid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
