god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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