I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
