I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
