I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
