in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
