ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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