oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pee on everything he values.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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