we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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