i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
