I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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