Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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