She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
