He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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