There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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