508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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