I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
