so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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