where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
