a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
