Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She told me I should be a condom model.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
