Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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