Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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