ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
