True but thats because hes a fetus.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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