Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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