wanna go halves on a baby?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
