I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
