do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize