I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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