You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
