did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
