NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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