Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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