dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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