Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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