Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
