I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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