The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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