After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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