Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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