I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
