We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i will never coherently bang her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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