The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
