So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
