how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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