You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
