he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
