this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
