you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
