Can i not drive my cunt home
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
