SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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