the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
